5 Things New Mom’s Never Talk About

I empathize with people much more since I became a mother a little over two years ago. I now understand why people drink caffeine first thing in the morning, and I realize the importance of having the toilet lid down at all times. I now know why people can’t ever find their car keys, and why nap time is so important. Arguably, the most valuable lesson I’ve learned since becoming a mother is that a baby video monitor is worth its weight in gold!

Since having my second baby a few months ago, I’ve noticed that there are a handful of things people don’t talk about when it comes to being a new mom. I assume it’s because these things aren’t the most positive things, but for the sake of new moms’ sanity, they need to be talked about! I want to point out five things new moms never talk about:

1.     It’s not all rainbows and gumdrops.

Social media makes motherhood hard. You see everyone’s highlight reel. You see these perfectly lit photos of a sleeping baby with a caption saying something like “motherhood is so wonderful.” Now, I’m not saying motherhood isn’t wonderful, but boy, it is a rude awakening, and it’s even more of a rude awakening when you’re anticipating a picture-perfect life. It’s important to remember that those same mothers are likely covered in spit up and are scrubbing poop out of a baby onesie… just like you.

2.     You’re still in pain.

Everyone warns you about the labor, but they don’t tell you about post-labor. The hospital sends you home with pain medication for a reason, because you need it. It’s so hard to function and take care of a brand new baby when you’re struggling to function normally. Don’t expect to be back to your normal self for at least a week or two… or six.

3.     You’re so tired, and not just a normal “tired”, I’m talking fall-asleep-sitting-up tired.

New moms can talk all day about how tired they are, but you just never fully understand how tired until you have a baby. What we should talk about is that you’re not only physically exhausted, you are mentally exhausted! When you bring home your first baby, you also bring home a large dose of anxiety. Are they too cold? Are they too hot? Are they breathing okay? Is she supposed to cry this much? The questions never end and Google will just send you into a panic frenzy. This is why more moms need to talk about the exhaustion. New moms need to know they’re still normal.

5.     You need help.

You need dinners. You need adult conversation. You need someone to tell you that the baby is doing just fine. Accept the help and ask for it. When someone asks you “how’s it going?” Tell them the truth! Yes, you get some odd looks when you say “the baby won’t stop crying and I’m so tired” instead of the usual “things are great”, but we need to break the stigma.

6.     Nursing hurts.

I won’t go into this too much because, well, this is a newspaper, but just know that it hurts. It hurts a lot. Thankfully there are some amazing resources created to help you push through the two week hurting stage, La Leche League being one of my favorites. If I had one suggestion to give to new moms in order to prepare them for their first baby, it would be to take a breastfeeding class before the baby is born.

I’m a big advocate for telling people how it is. My theory is if everyone were completely honest about the hard stuff, it would make the hard stuff easier for the newbies, and aren’t we all just here to help each other out?

Published in the Tremonton Leader in February 2018