Embracing ‘beautiful chaos’ while it lasts

I’ve had countless people ask me how the transition from two to three kids has been. I’m pretty sure it can only be described as beautiful chaos. Some days, I’m counting the minutes until my husband comes home… other days, I’m counting the seconds.

When my third daughter joined us in August, I knew it would be hectic since none of my girls are old enough for public school yet, but I’m not sure I was ready for it to be this hectic. From a potty-training child having an accident in the neighbor’s driveway, to the kitchen being flooded because the cup got stuck in the water dispenser, to my mini-van ALWAYS being a mess, to owning a mini-van… let’s just say that it’s an adjustment.

I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions all the time. If I’m not nursing my baby or changing a diaper, I’m getting a child a snack, or taking a child potty, or getting a child dressed (for the fourth time), or doing something for someone else. I’m always needed… always. To be honest, it’s exhausting and overwhelming. Weekly, I find myself leaning my forehead against the window wondering what it would be like to leave the house alone or daydreaming of what silence even sounds like anymore.

Even though I’m being smothered with things to do and help with, I’m also being smothered with hugs, cuddles, kisses, and love. The days are long, but the years are short. I understand this, and that’s why I’m taking too many pictures, having family movie nights often, lying in bed reading them books, and baking cookies with them. My girls literally love me more now than they will in their entire lives.   

I love my girls so much. I love their chubby cheeks, beautiful hair, and sweet voices. I love the way my 5-year-old daughter says “vegetarian” instead of “veterinarian”, the way my 3-year-old tells me she’s too hot and follows it up by asking for a popsicle, and the way my 2-month-old stops crying when I pick her up. I love everything about them.

Our house is loud. Our house is messy. Our house is chaos, but it’s beautiful chaos. There is a magic in our house that is almost tangible. My daughters get so excited to dance with me in the kitchen, to play hide-and-seek with my husband, and to have the whole family together at dinner time. I could stare at their faces all day long and it still wouldn’t be enough.

To sum up, I think two to three kids has been my easiest transition because this time I have perspective. Since I’ve been able to watch my older girls grow so quickly, I know that the hard phases don’t last forever. I know my baby won’t sleep in my room forever, I know she’ll eventually have a sleep schedule, I know that she’ll eventually stop sucking her thumb, and I know that it’s all going to pass so there’s no need to stress about it in the meantime. So for now, I’m going to soak in the good moments and laugh at the stressful ones (at least as much as I can), because I know I’ll blink and they’ll all be grown.

Published in The Tremonton Leader in December 2020




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